In the heady pace of modern living, sometimes it is difficult to keep a firm hold on those relationships that give heart and meaning to our lives. It seems like we glance away for a split second and suddenly those relationships have fallen an implausible distance away. This concerns not only relationships with other people but the relationship with ourselves as well.

This retreat is intended to keep those relationships rich and vital – whether it is a friendship, a family member, a spouse or our own sense of place alongside that other person.  This retreat is intended to be done with the person you want to deepen your relationship with.

So, sit back with your journal for a moment and ponder what intention you want to bring to this retreat. Would you like to deepen a relationship? Reconnect with someone you haven’t seen for a while? Heal festering wounds? Redefine a relationship into something more nurturing and sustaining?

Ask yourself the following questions:

• The outcome I yearn for most in this retreat is…
• What I fear happening on this retreat is…
• I think this retreat is needed because…
• This relationship is important to me because…

Now read over what you wrote. What jumps out at you? Does anything give you that sense of epiphany? What ideas are repeated? Try circling the words that tug, leap, and beg you! Can you winnow out a theme?

If nothing has come to you, don’t stress. It is quite common to begin a retreat not knowing what your intention is – only to grab hold of it once the experience starts to unfold.

If you have found an intention; however, now you can look around and see what you can bring to the retreat that will help fulfill it. It might be some photographs or mementos of this relationship that you can share. It might be music that symbolizes this relationship or a poem that expresses how you feel. It might be nothing physical at all. It might just be your heart and your vulnerability.

With this in mind, complete the trust list activity before the retreat begins so that you can gift it to that person as the retreat begins. Savor this time together!

Journaling – The Trust List

A relationship without trust is like a car without gas: you can stay in it all you want but it won’t go anywhere.  ~Unknown

The main ingredient in the alchemy of a rich relationship is trust. It is the most profound gift that you can give another.

When you think of this relationship, what are some things that you can trust this other person to do? What are some things you trust about yourself in this relationship? Include everything that you can think of—nothing is too ridiculous.

Some examples are below but take some quality time to think of those that are uniquely yours.

I trust that you…

• Will speak to me honestly about your feelings
• Will support what is important to me
• Will be on time when we meet somewhere
• Will always have my best interests at heart
• Will hold my trust as precious
• Will make me laugh
• Will try hard in this relationship
• Will wear clothes when we are going out somewhere
• Will tell me when I have something on my teeth
• Will not make me feel bad about myself

In turn, in this relationship, I trust that I…

• Will not deliberately make you feel ashamed or guilty
• Will tell you when I am upset
• Will tell you how much you mean to me regularly
• Will hold your trust as precious
• Will try not to let my baggage get in the way
• Will look at your time as valuable as my time
• Will never take you for granted

Mindful Listening

I believe if you want someone to help you, you have to help them help you. By sharing what you want with the people who love you, you are doing just that. You are not just giving them hints and clues about what would make you happy.  ~Rhonda Britten

It is often easier to give someone our hearts than it is our ears, particularly in relationships. When the other says something, it brings up a cacophony of thoughts and feelings in our minds that is chaotic enough to lose what they are saying.

Yet, when we can still our minds and focus on the other person as a captivating landscape to explore, the relationship changes in profound ways. The trick is to think about what they are saying, not our response or what it may trigger in our own memories.

When you are listening mindfully, you are listening to everything the other person is saying. This includes listening to how they are speaking, their tone, their body language and the emotional content. You listen fully, without interruption.  It might be helpful to even decide on a signal to give when one person is done talking.

Once you are settled and have enjoyed the mementos, take time to discuss your intention for the retreat and to bring out your trust list to share with the other.

As the other person reads their list, try to listen mindfully and not interrupt them. Rather than trying to think of a response, really focus on what the other person is saying. Spend some time with this activity.

When it feels like this activity has reached a comfortable end, get up and stretch. Then settle back into a comfortable position where you can face each other. Get the timer and set it for two minutes.

Designate a person who will listen and one who will talk. Then, looking at each other, start the timer and the one who is listening, asks the other, “Who are you?” The person talking will give a one sentence answer, then the listening person asks again, “Who are you?” This continues on until the timer goes off. The same process follows with these questions:

• Who are you not?
• Who do you pretend to be?
• Who do you think I am?

Then switch places and do the same activity for the same amount of time. When it is done, spend some time talking about what you have learned and supporting each other with the newfound knowledge you have gleaned about the other.

Mindful Walk – Forest Bathing

True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions yet remain side by side.  ~Josh Grayson

This retreat has been all about connecting with someone that you care about, but part of that is allowing yourself some space to breathe and let life sink in.  Now it is time to savor the solitude that is so sweet when you know you have people to return to when you are refreshed.

Choose a path to walk that is quiet and preferably in nature with trees to whisper to you now that your ears are uncommitted. You can both walk the same path but one person should give the other a 10 to 15-minute head start. Use the time you are waiting to savor this moment.

If you can, sit under a tree. There is something so healing to lean against the rough bark while the canopy of leaves overhead mummer and shield you protectively. The benefits are not imaginary. Being near trees or forest bathing (shinrin-yoko in Japanese) has actually been scientifically proven to enhance your health dramatically.

Studies show natural chemicals released by plants have a positive effect on stress levels and immune response. And it’s cumulative, so the benefits from a weekend in the woods will last at least a week. The air is also the freshest by trees, sort of the head waters of pure oxygen and often contains D-limonene which reduces lung inflammation allowing you to breathe deeper.

But there is a spiritual healing involved as well. The reciprocal nourishing as you share breath connects you to the world in such a profound manner. There is sometimes that cool breeze that one can only find in the shade of trees, a private oasis to revitalize you. Your body softens, and your mind slows in the shade.

Sit and breathe in the beauty of your surroundings and the feeling of being cared for. When you are ready, start your walk and, as you enjoy nature, also look for something that symbolizes you, the other and your relationship. It could be something you can carry with you or an image that you capture on your phone. It could be one thing or many. You are the one that brings meaning to it.

Nature can be a mirror for the nature of our relationships. Immerse yourself in its beauty.

This retreat has been geared towards connecting with yourself and someone that is like a second skin to you. To close the retreat, bring out the articles you found on the walk and lay them beside the memorabilia from the opening ceremony. If you would like, light a candle, and put on the music again, if any, that started the retreat. Take turns explaining the items you found to the other person. Offer them to the other as tokens of your relationship and this time that you spent together.

Like any living thing, relationships are stronger when tended faithfully. If tended properly, they are what allow our souls to breathe.  Congratulations on taking the time to tend to this relationship. May it continue to thrive and bless you.

***

Torri’s book is available for purchase here.