We continue our self-care blog series with guidance and exercises for taking control of your thoughts drawn from Torri Shafer’s “Romancing the Soul”. 

While all of us are pretty aware of our external surroundings, our more intimate internal landscape remains dark. Yet, it is this environment that colors our perceptions, our experiences, our very lives.

Basically, our inner state can be broken down into two simple categories—one based on fear and one based on love. The fear-based state steels our bodies to deal with a possible threat while the love-based state softens our bodies, allowing them to replenish. This is true of all mammals.

When most other mammals perceive the threat to be gone, they quickly revert to their relaxed state. Unfortunately, human thought perpetuates our state, particularly if it is fear-based. Unless our thoughts change, we never stop running from danger.

This is because thoughts respond to the sensations of the body, which are often triggered by emotion. For example, if we feel the emotion of fear or anxiety, our sense of fight-or-flight is automatically activated to deal with the potential threat. In this state, our thoughts are not going to be centered on enjoying the beautiful morning. Instead, they are going to be rapid-fire, “What do I do next? What threat lurks in the future? How do I get out of this?” Thoughts fuel tension in the body which, in turn, feeds more fear to the thoughts. We apply this heightened anxiety to our experiences, even if they, themselves, are rather routine and mundane.

We could try and break this cycle by thinking more positive thoughts such as “Don’t worry, everything is going to be okay,” or “There is so much to be grateful for!” Unfortunately, in situations like this, positive affirmations tend to feel forced and ingenuous. Usually they fall flat.

We know how fear and fear-based emotions make us feel just as we are intimately acquainted with how love manifests in our body. We can produce these feelings at will if we choose to do so. Ever notice how a slow, deep breath instantly calms our anxiety? If one combines this with feelings of compassion and love, the fear completely disappears because the emotions take the body to a totally different state.

The key is to be aware of which state we are experiencing at that moment. If it is a love-based state, then take it in, savor it, allow it to soak into your bones. If it is a fear-based state, then focus on your breath and bringing healing softness to those areas of your body that feel constricted or uneasy. As the body relaxes and the feelings of well-being expand, the love-based state naturally solidifies.

The more we do this, the more the love-based state becomes our default setting. First of all, the emotions become easier to capture. Secondly, we begin to live more in the present moment where fears of the future and regrets of the past have no part. And, finally, since we are devoting our energy to experiencing higher states of being, that is what we are going to attract into our lives.

In this retreat we start to develop the skill of being aware of our state of being and getting behind the wheel of our lives to direct that state into one of joy and contentment.

This is the key to a radiant life. It is not wealth, success, fame, prestige, or admiration. It is the simple task of nurturing the moments in our lives like each is a fragile creation that deserves the utmost care – and knowing that we are the creators of them.

Becoming Aware of Thoughts Through Journaling

Write what should not be forgotten.  ~Isabel Allende

Journaling is a wonderful way to become aware of your thoughts and how they affect your life. Through journaling, you can expand self-awareness by identifying and expressing your feelings in writing. This is not only a cathartic exercise; it also allows you to come to terms and clarify your emotions.

Writing can shed light on why you felt or reacted in a certain way, and can make you aware of when your negative feelings creep up. Finally, it can help you to manifest what you want in life by putting it down on paper and giving you a road map for guidance.

Journaling does not have to take hours of shedding blood, sweat and tears on paper. Spending a few minutes to write just a few words can be just as effective. Get yourself comfortable with a nice drink and perhaps a snack to nibble as you ponder. Then pick one or more of the prompts below.

#1

Today the top 3 feeling-states that I wish to create, share or experience with others around me are: ______, ______, and _______. If you could ideally experience three feeling states on any given day, what feelings would you feel and why? What is it about those feeling states that matters to you? Try to challenge yourself not to default into vague words or clichés. While it would be easy to say “authentic, happy and fulfilled,” it would be more beneficial to delve into words of greater detail that resonate more personally with you. Perhaps “rested, rich and rewarded” would work better, or “artful, satisfied and contributing.” Once you have done that, list five actions that you can do to manifest these feelings.

#2

If how I were feeling right now were a color, I would feel somewhere between the colors __________ and _________ because _______________________. Try to describe the quality of the colors you chose and don’t feel limited to popular symbolism. For example, choosing red may not mean you feel fiery and angry but may instead feel grounded and deep like the red chakra. Blue could mean sad, but it could also mean boundless and serene like the sky.

#3

What do you feel is the greatest thing keeping you from directing your emotions? What are some ways that you can modify your routine to take more control of your emotions and be more self-aware?

Torri’s book is available for purchase here.